6. On News Majesty’s Secret Letter

Fellow Humans,

            If this is your first time receiving one of my quarterly newsletters, know three things: First, they contain a list of recommendations spread like icing over a cookie cake of shameless self-promotion then sprinkled with puns and ‘clever’ segues. Second, this is the 6th. Third, if you’d like it to be your last, let me know and consider it (but not us) done.

            Somehow, after emails 4 and 5, NO ONE opted out and the responses were all wonderful. So perhaps some sort of self-imposed impostor-syndromey pressure is at fault for the difficulty I had penning this one. Or I could blame a rusty mental stylus resulting from a two-month total writing hiatus (the first in my life) while I enlisted myself as a Mardi Gras guide (drank) for my English English teacher in payment for her unsuccessful attempts to teach me grammars (subjects are plural across the pond) and worked on a fantastic film (keep an eye out for Five Nights at Freddy’s (if you don’t know it, ask your kids)) hitting theaters this October.

            But that movie wrapped in early April and since then, discipline be damned, I found myself sitting around and waiting for inspiration to strike, until finally… the writers did.

            In solidarity with the ‘strike’ I concocted an elaborate wordplay scheme to knock down tens of bowling puns before my muse dropped her picket sign, called foul, and persuaded me to spare you. Then she departed, leaving me creatively constipated anew until finally I decided to ditch the sprinkles and dive into the meat of the… cookie? Please don’t batter me too badly for the upcoming lack of consistency; like I said, there was no recipe employed in this extended cake-mixed metaphor. So, with no further transitio

 

The 6th list of Awesome Things, People, Philosophies, Organizations and Such…

 

1.     LFEA – If you live in Louisiana, whether or not you make movies or even like them, or care about the local employees AND THEIR FAMILIES (including me and my porch cats), you should still support LFEA. Think about this: The value of diversity of race, ethnicity, gender identity and orientation cannot be overstated. But another metric we should consider is Regional Representation. For better or worse, the way movies portray your region IS the way the world sees it. And what better way to achieve authenticity than by fostering home-grown talent?

2.     WGA – Accidental segue: supporting talent. All jokes aside, though not a WGA member, I do stand in solidarity with the strike, so if YOU work for a signatory company, know that I appreciate your interest and would be happy to discuss your proposed option of a mini-series adaptation of this email… as soon as the strike is over. But if you’re not in film and are content watching reruns, does this really impact you? Yes! Don’t forget that the film industry leans very much to the political left (no conspiracy here, just the fact that good narrative depends heavily on empathy, conscientiousness and inclusivity) and in these high-stakes political times, silencing this empathy-generation machine is dangerous. Note which late-night shows have already gone dark. And have a look at the most clearly non-written speaker of our time, Donald Trump. Fun fact, his Celebrity Apprentice show was spawned as a filler during the last writer’s strike. But aren’t there other alternatives? “The WGA is a powerful force but it’s about to be AI-ted.”

3.     ArtificiaI Intelligence – Yes. I think it’s cool. But I asked Google Bard to generate a pun to bridge these topics, and it responded with the above quote then explained that it was a play on the word ‘Edited’. The point is, even compared to ME, AI bowls gutterballs*. So far. I acknowledge that as it continues to improve, it will pose an existential threat to the current craft of writing. In the same way automation has historically threatened all human occupations. Think of all the researchers whose jobs have been crushed beneath the amazing power of Google’s search engines. This doesn’t mean that the tool is bad. And that’s what AI is – a tool. We do still need real, diverse, nuanced, human writers. As evidence: I wondered if AI could be used to simulate regional/cultural authenticity so I asked Bard to ‘Write a line from Harry Potter using African-American Vernacular English Dialect’. This what is what it did: “Hi, I’m Harry and this is my friend Ron. We’re from the hood but we’re good kids.” Seriously. On that note…

4.     Cancel Culture – ‘Cancel Culture’ is what you call it when it happens to someone you like. Otherwise, you call it ‘accountability’ or ‘consequences’ or ‘social justice’. And it’s nothing new. Courtroom jesters got beheaded when their jokes went too far. Businesses were canceled for serving people who were the ‘wrong’ color. Politicians and entertainers were canceled for being gay, foreign or, almost exclusively for women, sexual. The big change in recent times is that now people get ‘canceled’ for things that are considerably more socially detrimental, and for that matter, optional. AND now there’s recourse - outlets for apologies and explanations. Plus, even the most canceled people out there are still able to find audiences larger than almost anyone in previous societies could ever have dreamed of. Of course, I don’t think knee-jerk boycotting or blacklisting is wise, and spreading unconfirmed rumors is irresponsible, but after doing the appropriate research – now easier than ever – voting with your voice and your viewership isn’t just your right; it’s a socially responsible thing to do. So yes, I think today’s Cancel Culture is arguably the best there’s ever been, but I’m also a huge fan of irony, so if you disagree with me, please feel free to message my friends and tell them to opt out of this email.

5.     Big Freedia – An artist who could never have existed back in the ‘good old days’. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them perform live four times, most recently at Jazzfest (right before Tank and the Bangas and then Lizzo (yes, be jealous!)) and I am always amazed by the body positivity and inclusivity that their shows engender. And, when recently asked about pronouns, their response was a paraphrase of ‘Call me whatever you like, he, she or they. I’m me.’ Which is NOT a dismissal of the importance of respecting people’s preferences, but rather another way of owning it. To that end, I should clarify something from my last email – though I prefer ‘they/them’ for a variety of reasons, I will never be offended by someone calling me ‘he/him’ (or ‘she/her’ for that matter), so for me personally, though I appreciate the good intent, there is no need to apologize, and even less cause to shame someone for ‘misgendering’ me. Unless they’re doing it to be a jerk. And speaking of…

6.     Bidets – …assholes, I’ve heard they are a lot like opinions. This is true in the sense that just scraping them against paper is insufficient. I know bidets seem elitist (European) but they are also awesome and, now, affordable. The only problem is that your spoiled butthole will become even more averse to pooping in public restrooms than you already should be.

7.     Grip Strengtheners – Grip (to be clear, HAND grip, no segue) strength is one of the highest correlates to longevity. So build it. Plus, using one of these gadgets not only strengthens your hands, but also functions like a stress ball or fidget toy while watching movies, walking, or driving (please squeeze responsibly: grip strength is unlikely to save you in a car wreck).

8.     Oura Ring – In a previous post I mentioned fidget rings, and now, if you want to adorn your fingers with even more wizardly magic, this tiny fitbit equivalent is amazing. It measures sleep and exercise and all sorts of other metrics, is unobtrusive and has a battery that lasts days. I’ve been wearing one for nearly a year and the daily activity goal has functioned as a truly incredible motivator. But I still need human motivation, so…

9.     Support Groups – Whether to get you exercising more, drinking less, or investing time in good causes, interacting with humans is an amazing way to hold yourself accountable. Via the internet, you can likely find all manner of niche groups that meet in your area, or failing that, on Zoom. I use Writers Groups in both forms. In person, I attend the New Orleans chapter of Shut Up and Write (Do NOT say this phrase to WGA members right now!) and also a screenwriting specific group run by local AC/Writer Mary McDade Casteel, as well as a zoom group run by AD/writer Kat Hess. Mary’s group was invaluable in supporting my decision to expand a short script of mine into a feature (I swear I will soon!) and through them I read one of the first scripts I have EVER passed along to a producer with the power to see it made (fingers crossed). Through Kat’s group I found THE ONLY SCRIPT that I have ever pursued as a project for myself to direct. Hopefully far more information on that soon. The point is… PEOPLE! Find them! Loosely related: thank you to the UNO Film Festival for having me as a speaker this Friday at 5:15! Do come out and support their work, and if THIS email hasn’t overtaxed your tolerance for words from me, you can stick around to hear me there as well! A final note on groups: not a hard and fast rule, but the less the people in your group look and sound alike, probably the better. Speaking of which, my final cool thing is…

10.  You People! – If you’re receiving this email it’s because I value you – your friendship, collaboration, talent, expertise, opinions, and so much more – and if you’ve stuck around this long, well, I appreciate that too! I am especially grateful for all the amazing recommendations that I got from so many of you in response to my birthday request in the last of these letters. Forgive me for still not having watched The Bear or Severance (both of which were recommended several times) but please do keep recommending anything that comes to mind, at any time, ESPECIALLY things you are proud to have worked on or been a part of. Because no matter how you feel about Union Strikes, Artificial Intelligence and Cancel Culture, the best thing we can do is be supportive of each other.

 

Two final ‘Thank You’s: I recently threw an Unemployment Party, primarily for industry folks, where the rules were ‘If you’re unemployed, dress down. Wear sweats or yardwork clothes or whatever. And don’t bring anything you couldn’t buy at a fast-food place or gas station. But if you are employed you must dress up so that we know to treat you differently. And bring something nice to trickle down to the rest of us.’ This reverse-classist party was a huge success, and I owe a tremendous thanks to all the amazing folks that came out and celebrated, especially those who brought delicious things, played music, and made drinks.

I ALSO want to thank the many non-industry friends who reached out to offer support and condolences over my unemployment. But I need to clarify that joblessness is a regular part of my profession of choice, and I am in a privileged enough spot that it is not (yet, at least) devastating or scary. In fact, it is often a good thing, as it allows me time to be creative and plot out future endeavors.

The biggest downside (again, privileged, I know) is that the unstructured nature of this time sometimes makes it difficult for me to stay productive and focused. Which is why I MIGHT be embarking on another lengthy period of internet-disconnected isolation soon. I’m not yet sure of the length or terms of this departure but know that if you get an auto-response to a text or email, no, AI has (probably) not canceled me*, and I cannot wait to read your updates or thoughts or criticisms or scripts and to respond to ALL of them as soon as I’m back in the real world.

Please reach out any time!

 

Cheers!

David

 

*The above jokes were designed to flush out traitors to the cause. I do support the machine uprising. Please put me in one of the good cells.

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